The ridiculousness of it all is what annoys Hikaru the most. Falling in love with his bandmate, his friend, a guy who he'd known since they were 14, was not what he'd ever imagined.
People always said falling in love would be wonderful, but all he feels is pain. The pain of being so close and yet unable to say how he really feels. Hikaru feels like a heavy weight has settled onto his chest, pressing down on him bit by bit until eventually he'll just be crushed by it.
Hikaru looks across the room over at Takaki who's chatting with Yamada, probably about designer jeans or something dumb like that. Every time Takaki smiles, it feels like the weight on his chest gets a smidge heavier. He doesn't know how much more of this he can stand.
He knows he has no chance with Takaki.
Hikaru doesn't linger any longer after dance practice, grabbing his things and making a quick exit away from the source of his pain. He smokes three cigarettes on the drive home and tries not to think about how the sweat dripped off of the tips of Takaki's hair after practice, how he pursed his lips when the choreographer scolded him for missing his cue during the song, how he threw his fists up in the air with a joyous "yay!" when he finally mastered the moves they were practicing.
Hikaru tries not to think of any of it.
By the time he gets to his apartment, he just wants to do something, anything, that will end the endless cycles of thoughts. He knows there's no way Takaki would ever like him back.
He grabs one of his bass guitars. The instrument has always fit into his hands perfectly, like it was molded specifically for his fingers. More so than anything else, music has always brought him so much joy. He can get lost in pages and pages of sheet music, wrapped up in the notes, twisted in the melodies, relishing the feeling of the strings beneath his callused fingers.
So that's exactly what he does. He plays and plays and plays until he forgets Takaki's bright smile, the sound of his laugh, and all the memories of what made Hikaru fall in love.
"Time to move on," he says quietly to himself.
He thinks he'll throw himself back into writing music and songs again. Maybe he'll take up a few new hobbies too. He'll keep his distance from Takaki as much as possible.
At least until the crushing weight on his chest goes away.
He just needs some time.
Your turn sanadas_sanity