There’s a figure beside his door when he arrives home. For a moment his heart skips a beat and his lips are already forming Yuto’s name only it can’t be because he just dropped Yuto off at home. He swallows down the pang of disappointment – how long it’s been since Yuto last stood in that exact spot, waiting for him, yearning for him. His head shakes as the figure pushes off of the wall, not tall enough to be Yuto anyway, not quite.
“Is Nakajima OK?” he recognises the voice immediately, he heard it over the phone little more than an hour ago, has heard it more than once for three months straight of movie recording.
“He’s OK.” Yamada answers Suda. “He’s home, tucked up in bed.”
Suda nods, his expression mildly disgruntled and he takes a step closer to Yamada. “And what about you? Are you alright?”
Yamada’s eyebrows quirk at the strange question. "Me? Why wouldn't I be?"
Suda looks kind of sheepish and Yamada wonders if it isn’t the first time he’s ever seen that expression on him. "You like him too. You're better at hiding it than him, but I get it now"
Yamada just looks blankly for a moment, he feels a little startled but he thinks it barely shows over the fatigue. He's too tired to go into it right now but he's too drained to lie about it too. "We're not together..."
Suda nods "yeah I get that too..." Then he shrugs lightly "I mean I don't, but I get that it's complicated." Yamada smiles a little to himself, complicated doesn't cover it, but he doesn't answer. There’s silence for a few minutes and then Suda shuffles his feet, starting almost awkwardly "Look about what I said tonight..."
"He didn't tell me" Yamada interrupts because he doesn't want to know. "I didn't ask, it's fine..." He moves towards his door, he's so tired, emotionally as well as physically, he just wants to get inside and curl up under his sheets. His path is intercepted though, and Suda is so close that Yamada can actually hear his shaky breaths. Agitation looks strange on him.
"I was pretty vulgar, unnecessarily..." Yamada searches his expression for the cause of this restlessness "it wasn't entirely a lie though..."
Yamada just stares, barely able to summon the effort to be surprised "You want to fuck me?" he asks.
Suda shrugs, the action at odds with the way he nods and answers “Yeah, I do...”
Yamada almost laughs, would do if he didn’t still have the image of Yuto’s pained expression etched so strongly behind his eyes. “He punched you in the face because you said you wanted to fuck me...what do you think he’ll do to you if you actually fuck me?”
Suda’s head shakes and he leans in to press his lips against Yamada’s quickly. “What if I don’t care?”
Yamada tries to snort but Suda’s lips are on his neck, peppering a path from his jaw to his collarbone and the sound warps into a groan halfway through. He’s so tired, he’s so confused, and then Suda’s lips are moving up to his and it feels so nice. He knows he should pull away, knows this is completely wrong but he’s still so raw and Suda’s lips are so comforting.
“We’ll get Friday’d” Yamada tells Suda, titling his head down just a little to break the kiss.
“Invite me in then...” Suda answers seriously, his eyes are just as serious when Yamada looks back up at them. It felt so nice, and it’s been so long.
“Do you want to come inside?”