Now that Hakyeon is no longer holding on to it, Wonsik’s hand feels so much heavier. It is much like how his heart sinks when he hears the door click shut, announcing Hakyeon’s departure. He curls up in bed, holding his hand close to his heart.
He knows contacting Hakyeon was a mistake. It was easier to pretend he could be okay when Hakyeon wasn’t around to remind him of how much he missed him. Now, he feels like his whole day has already crumbled in front of him, even before it has properly started. It would have been better to cry, curse him out, but he just feels empty, unable to move. In a way, Hakyeon brought colour into his life that he didn’t know how to make himself, and without him everything seems to pale.
Jaehwan would tell him that he needs to create his own colours, find his own happiness, and most importantly, stop fucking calling Hakyeon. He’s right, of course - he needs to move forward, and he can’t get through this without being away from Hakyeon for a while - but Wonsik was drunk and weak and a little upset and how can he be blamed for trying to bring that little bit of colour back into his life?
He’d been doing well, really, until that encounter at the laundromat; but now, now his heart and soul are crying out for Hakyeon, begging for him to return, to kiss him again, to tell him they can be together again, to hold his hand again. Only a fool, though, would think that they could really make it work. They made such desperate attempts to hold on to each other, but for Hakyeon, the bad memories outweighed the good, so much so that he had to break up with Wonsik.
Wonsik knows, more certainly than anything, that it wasn’t easy for Hakyeon either. He held in his tears through everything; even when Wonsik broke down into a fit of sobs he held him gently, reassuring him they would be okay. Only when he said goodbye did his voice break through the reassuring smile; only then did his tears escape, making him wipe furiously at his face as he began to walk away, not allowing Wonsik to comfort him like he did for Wonsik. Somehow that’s the part of this scene, that he keeps replaying in his head, that’s the part that saddens him the most.
He doesn’t notice when he drifts off, only that he is awakened by the feeling of fingers gently moving through his hair. “Hak-” he starts sleepily, only to slowly open his eyes and see not Hakyeon, but Jaehwan at the edge of his bed, a hand in his hair. “Oh.” He feels a little guilty for being disappointed; here’s his best friend, clearly come to take care of him, and all he can think of is the one who’s left him.
“Sorry, just me,” Jaehwan says with a wry smile. He retracts his hand and leans against the headboard of the bed. “He texted me saying you weren’t well. And here you are, you and your hungover ass.”
“He texted you?”
“I honestly didn’t expect it,” says Jaehwan, chewing his lip in thought. “I thought he was… more selfish and immature. Especially after that time at the laundromat. But, I guess, he really does care.”
Wonsik sighs, heart sinking. “It would be easier if he didn’t,” he mumbles.
“Sorry.” Jaehwan grimaces and places a hand on Wonsik’s shoulder. “This is what you’ve got to work with.”
Passing the baton over to miyeokguk!