Late, and short, but I wrote!
His face, if he was going to be honest, was one of things that he missed the most about Tottsu.
His face was so expressive. It was easy to see what he was thinking, the way his eyes scrunched up when he laughed, the way he would purse his lips when he was thinking. The intensity of his eyes when he was talking to you, it was as if they pierced your soul.
At least he had thought that Tottsu was easy to read.
But then they ended up with a statue. A talking one, at this point, so it was progress, but it was still something that was his fault.
He had let Tottsu think tt he was unloved.
If he had loved him more.
If he had been more vocal.
If he had pushed more.
If he had been less selfish.,
If he had done any number of things differently….
Hasshi, stop it.
Tottsu’s voice cut into his thoughts, and Hasshi found that he could not look at at Tottsu, no knowing that the other man was always watching him, could always watch him, had heard him and
only him. He had said some mean things, some things in his anger, in is grief, he had…
Ryosuke, It’s ok,
“You should blame me, I mean, it’s my fault, isnt it?”
Ryosuke, you just spend the last few weeks convincing me that it was my fault, so I need to get over myself and realize how much I am worth, and how much you, and everyone
else loves me. What happened? You haven’t gotten trapped in your head like that in a while.
Hasshi chose not to answer, instead pulling his legs up close to his chest, and looking decidedly at the ground.
But … I… I didn’t notice. None of us did.
Hasshi smiled bitterly. “You didn’t realize that I was actually i love with you. You doubted my feelings. I am not sure you are the best judge of--” Hasshi cut himself off. “I am sorry．Tottsu
doesnt deserve comments like that.”
I don’t mind. I would like to know the parts of you that you haven’t yet shared. Keeping it all bottled in, not dealing with it, look where it got me.
Hasshi stood up suddenly, stumbling to the door.
“I just can’t do this.”
The door slammed shut behind him.
And that night, for the first night since Tottsu turned, Hasshi didn’t come back.
But his parting words, they rattled through Tottsu’s head all night.
I just can’t do this.