i have no idea what this is.
title from spice girls' "walk of life".
A lot more practice is what he needs, a lot, lot more practice. This isn’t a rushed decision; it has been in the making for a long time. They’ve talked it through for the better part of the last five years. And yet a part of Jaebum feels like he’s not ready for this. He wants this, can’t remember wanting anything this much in ages. Apart from Jinyoung of course.
He’s not- Jaebum is not regretting it. It’s not too late to regret it but he doesn’t. He doesn’t. Jaebum feels excited, happy, lucky and incredibly blessed. He’s also nervous and terrified, so afraid of screwing this up. His tummy feels like it’s filled to the brim with butterflies, their wings fluttering against his lungs, diaphragm, tickling.
“Jaebum hyung,” Jinyoung says, peeking into the hallway where Jaebum has been standing for god knows how long. Jaebum responds with a hum, head snapping towards the direction of Jinyoung’s voice. “Aren’t you coming in?”
The smile on Jinyoung’s face is warm, his eyes gentle before he disappears behind the corner, not waiting for Jaebum’s answer because he knows Jaebum is coming. Slowly, Jaebum kicks off his shoes, arranging them so they are neatly paired up next to Jinyoung’s sneakers before he slips his feet into his slippers and begins the short journey to the living room.
It’s quiet, so the sound of Jaebum’s slippers against the wooden floor is the only sound in the room. Jinyoung is perked on the sofa, turning his head to look at Jaebum as he enters. Jinyoung’s eyes are crescents, his smile toothy as he beckons Jaebum over with movements of his head.
“He’s still asleep,” Jinyoung murmurs when Jaebum is close enough, and when he’s even closer, he can see the baby asleep on Jinyoung’s lap. His little thumb is stuffed between thick lips, eyelids fluttering as he breathes, dreams. One of his feet twitches and Jaebum can’t fight the smile off his face. Quietly, Jaebum sits down next to Jinyoung, their thighs brushing, careful not to disturb the baby.
“He looks so peaceful,” Jaebum whispers, hooking his chin over Jinyoung’s shoulder.
“Right?” Jinyoung answers, laughing softly – a laugh Jaebum feels rather than hears rumble up through Jinyoung’s body.
“He’s never quiet except for when he sleeps,” Jaebum says, to which Jinyoung chuckles, nods.
“Especially when you say ‘food’, right?” Jinyoung asks, turning his head to look at Jaebum, but is unable to do so since Jaebum’s own face blocks Jinyoung’s. They both laugh, chuckle softly.
“Yeah, feeding time was a mess when they started to introduce him to solid food. He loves milk, sure, but bread even more so. It was a loud chaos for a couple of weeks. He wouldn’t stop squealing with joy to actually eat,” Jaebum tells Jinyoung, even though he probably has done so before, multiple times.
“Our glutton, Youngjae,” Jinyoung says fondly, placing one of his hands gently on Youngjae’s round tummy, rubbing it gently. Youngjae is wearing a set that Jinyoung’s mom knitted especially for him – brown cotton pants and a white, short-sleeved shirt. Jaebum has never really seen the point of dressing babies and kids in white but she had looked so proud when she had handed them the package after the papers went through.
Jinyoung and Jaebum started the adoption process two years before Youngjae was even born, back then it was just to be approved to adopt in general as the process takes forever. They were told not to get their hopes up as the process of getting approved is hard enough for straight couple, and with Jinyoung and Jaebum being, well, not, it would be even more difficult.
Youngjae came to them as a miracle, ended up at the orphanage Jaebum volunteers at. They rarely get babies, mostly kids between the ages of 3 and 15 but there’s the occasional toddler too. Youngjae was approximately a month of age when he was abandoned in the orphanage’s back yard, and now, eight months later, Jinyoung and Jaebum were able to take him home. They were both in debt to the orphanage’s leader, an American citizen named Patricia who have been living in Korea for longer than Jaebum and Jinyoung have lived. She had fought their case and somehow, Jaebum still doesn’t know exactly how, they were chosen to be Youngjae’s parents, were given the clear to adopt him.
“It’s still so surreal,” Jaebum murmurs, watching how Youngjae’s ribcage expands as he breathes in.
“Yeah I know, I’m still mildly panicking inside, to be honest,” Jinyoung says, tilting his head to rest it against Jaebum’s. It’s a warm, familiar weight and it feels soothing.
“We’re parents now,” Jaebum whispers, the finality if it finally hitting him. However, now, tangled up with Jinyoung, with Youngjae asleep on Jinyoung’s lap, it doesn’t feel as frightening. They can do this, he thinks.
“Yeah,” Jinyoung murmurs, his hand finding Jaebum’s, entwining their fingers.